Posted January 17, 2014

Jets TE Kellen Winslow Jr. denies he was masturbating outside Target before pot arrest

NFL
Evidence of synthetic marijuana reportedly was discovered in Kellen Winslow's vehicle. (Joel Auerbach/Getty Images)

Evidence of synthetic marijuana reportedly was discovered in Kellen Winslow’s vehicle. (Joel Auerbach/Getty Images)

Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana in New Jersey last November, but details of a police report are drawing the spotlight away from the pot.

NJ.com reports court documents reveal police were called to the scene in a Target parking lot because a woman alleged she saw Winslow masturbating in his vehicle. The woman told police she parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade in which Winslow was sitting with the window open.

From the report via NJ.com:

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report. That man would later be identified as Winslow, 30, who lives in Madison.

Winslow’s representative later denied the “unfounded and ridiculous claim” that he was seen masturbating in his car via Twitter.

The statement includes Winslow’s claim that he was changing clothes in his vehicle “so as not to smell like smoke” from a substance he thought at the time was a legal. He claims nothing inappropriate took place.

According to the police report, an officer found Winslow allegedly “slouched in his seat and moving around.” Winslow sprang to an upright position and allegedly told the officer he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

The officer wrote that “his genitals were not exposed” but “two open containers of Vaseline [were visible] on his center console.” The report also cites the presence of plastic bags marked “Mr. Happy” and empty plastic containers of “Funky Monkey” scattered throughout the vehicle.

Winslow reportedly told police he smoked the “Mr. Happy” and “Funky Monkey”  to relax and that the NFL doesn’t drug test for it. Police reported he consented to a vehicle search after which a few items were seized into evidence and Winslow was free to go.


119 comments
DanielMount
DanielMount

I think he knows that if you jerk-off one's a day then you'll never get prostate cancer. 

bosshogg17
bosshogg17

If I'd known this bit of inside info, I'd never would have bet on the Jets all seasons, his hands were slippery and his head was in the wrong place!

scottjoy3
scottjoy3

You know what the most sensitive part on a mans body is while doing that? 


Answer:  His ears.

RobertSmith
RobertSmith

He was just putting lotion on a sensitive spot.

rodp236
rodp236

If he did it at Walmart, no one would notice............................................

atwood.t
atwood.t

some very funny comments here.

Cougarblue
Cougarblue

It must be a "danger of getting caught" deal that thrills the man. The brother of "Dog" Chapman, was arrested for the same thing in the parking lot of Hawaii's largest mall, during the Christmas shopping season.

Mark112
Mark112

Was it at a Target Outlet?

Jampony
Jampony

He was in his vehicle..... Where is his right to privacy?  The lady shouldn't have been looking in his car.   I would have pressed charges for a peeping Jane Doe.   It's no different if he was in his home jerking off with the curtains open.  To me if the cops didn't see it happening, then it's a he said she said type of thing.

tbost4321
tbost4321

I feel for the guy.  I can't tell you how many times I've been high and driving around in my Escalade and thought to myself "I just caught 17 passes in a year while playing for a team devoid of any receiving talent...and oh snap! There's Target!  Life is just so good right now, I gotta rub one out right here!"

donniejohnson4
donniejohnson4

High on bath salts and jerking it in a Target parking lot? Hell of a thing.

floorme1955
floorme1955

wonder what the NFL penalty for ILLEGAL USE OF HANDS; on yourself is-- 3 Games? 5 Games--? 

RickEger
RickEger

How did this bum last 10 NFL seasons?

downthesun01
downthesun01

"Winslow’s representative later denied the ”unfounded and ridiculous claim” that he was seen masturbating in his car via Twitter."


How exactly do you masturbate via Twitter?

Yeah I Said It So What?
Yeah I Said It So What?

Truth be told, the stank hoe saw him whacking, asked to not only help him but slob his knob to boot, she's so fugly he dissed her, at which time she got pissed, ran and snitched.  End of discussion.

Bjornagast
Bjornagast

Maybe he was watching that video of Rex Ryan and his wife's feet and just couldn't help himself...


Are the Jets the NFL magnet for losers, has-beens and never-weres? Sure seems that way. 

flip33732
flip33732

Pretty funny, cold and no shrinkage................Jr,you are da man ! Two jars of vaseline,two ??? One would last most guys a year or more.


Way to go Jr.

IAmRoot
IAmRoot

I remember the good old days, when the only think Junior did in a parking lot was wreck his motorcycle doing rad stunts, and then miss a whole season playing for the Browns.

Matthew W
Matthew W

Junior, its Dad....could you change your name please? You're making me look bad.

JustinBlack
JustinBlack

Damn!! He's not only a warrior (dog!), he's also mastur of his domain!!

His pop was the EPITOME of class, integrity & always drama free.

I bet he's so embarrassed he'll change now.

WE'RE ALL PULLING FOR YA JR!!!!!!


terlilgnt
terlilgnt

If it was a guy that caught a female athlete (say... Danica Patrick) rubbin' one out in the parking lot, he wouldn't call the cops.  He would call his buddies to help build the bleachers.

Mark112
Mark112

Kellen Sr. should kick his sorry, demented a**!

mostberg
mostberg

Someone please tell Winslow: In the privacy of your own home - or a hotel - is ok.   In public, well: juvenile and absolutely no class.  Also illegal I do believe.

Starstruck
Starstruck

Winslow was only tryng to figure out how to use his paddle shifter. 

jimh753
jimh753

Instead of "Funky Monkey", maybe it should be called "Spank Your Monkey".

BlowPop852
BlowPop852

God there is a lot of retarded comments here...

BlowPop852
BlowPop852

Maybe if he smokes enough grass maybe he can believe he is on a good team

Berkshire_Eagle
Berkshire_Eagle

That big boob Target logo on the front of the building was asking for it....tease..

mishmosh2000
mishmosh2000

"It in fact was a flashlight and no, I was not happy to see her."  -KWJr

SukMadiq
SukMadiq

He belongs in a zoo.  Chimps like to wack it and throw poo at people there.

floorme1955
floorme1955

When you’re a Jet,

You’re a Jerk all the way
From your first funny cigarette
To your last wack’n day.
When you’re a Jet,
Let them do what they can,
No brotha’s around, so
You’re a RUB 1 OUT- man!
You-re never alone,
You-re never connected!
You-re in your car with your BONE
When pedestrians sees you-re ejacted,
You-re well protected!
Then you are set
In your ESCALADE,
Which you-ll never forget
Till the cops cart you away.
When you-re a Jet,
You’re a Jerk all the way


floorme1955
floorme1955

Doesn't he know that it's been almost 2 decades since the NFL banned STICK-EM?

The Dude
The Dude

@JamponyYou correct that it is no different than if he was in his home with the curtains open. That also would be an arrestable offense if someone just walking by could see in.. But certainly in a parking lot you have no right to privacy, So despite my first clause you are dead wrong and foolishly so.

Cougarblue
Cougarblue

It was just a spelling mistake, the word should have been "twissors". The man is so poorly endowed he needs the use of the utensil.

Dane1
Dane1

He's no warrior, but think you meant to say...he's a soldier, lol. That's what referred to himself as anyway...Kellen Winslow has a severe chemical imbalance, Bussin nutz on his self in a Target parking lot....guess he was trying to build up his street cred

mikald4
mikald4

@OwenCaterwall3 :  Yes, it has been reported that he is a warrior;  recently caught in action fighting


the Battle of The Bulge.

rodp236
rodp236

@flip33732I heard General Motors is considering a special holder for the stuff.............apparently the beverage holder is a poor fit .

Mark112
Mark112

@BlowPop852 

Yours is the single most moronic comment on the board, you pathetic loser! (great grammar as well, genius - you use "is" with a singular).

Dane1
Dane1

True that Mark112...but what else do you expect from functional illiterates?